They’ve got a pan for that.
Saturday Night Live poked fun at Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s plan to hike taxes to pay for her sweeping Medicare-for-all proposal on the show’s cold open Saturday night.
Show favorite Kate McKinnon played the “She’s got a plan for that” presidential hopeful at a mock event in Iowa, excitably rolling up the sleeves of a red cardigan and mimicking the Massachusetts Democrat’s matronly tones.
“Look at me, I’m in my natural habitat — a public school on a weekend,” she says, before teasing one-time rival Beto O’Rourke for being in her “dust” after dropping out of the race.
McKinnon’s kooky Warren struggles to explain why her plan is better than rival Sen. Bernie Sanders’ Medicare-for-all proposal — before admitting there is no way to pay for them.
“When Bernie was talking Medicare-for-all, everybody was like, ‘oh, cool,’ and then they turned to me and they said, ‘fix it, mom!’” she rambles.
“With dad, you eat birthday cake for breakfast and then go to Six Flags, and then I hold your hand and let you throw up in my purse.
“Daddy takes you to see ‘Boogie Nights’ when you’re 10; I provide the long, tender follow-up explanations about sex and whether Mark Wahlberg’s penis is a realistic length. It ain’t fun, but I will do it.”
When asked about getting the trillions needed for her plans, McKinnon’s Warren smiles maniacally and responds, “When the numbers are this big, they’re just pretend.”
“You ready to get red-pilled? Money doesn’t exist. It’s just a promise from a computer,” she continues, referencing a meme from “The Matrix” employed by the alt-right.
She points to charts saying she would get the money by cutting all military spending and going after the “Amazon Creep.”
“Jeff Bezos is going to go from paying no tax to a tax,” she said, comparing levies to the Amazon Prime fee and joking, “Unlike you, we can’t just take it out of your debit card without warning.”
She then says her main plan is to tax banks.
“Duh. What did you think I was gonna do, hold up a gas station?” she asks.
“They’re gonna pay for it and not one penny for the middle class. All we’ve gotta do is convince JP Morgan to operate like a nonprofit.”
Challenged by an audience member over the math, McKinnon’s Warren pulls out a series of dizzying charts and equations supposedly proving her plan would work.
“Do you understand this? I do. I could explain it to you, but you’d die,” she says.
She insists, however, that her plans were better than Democratic front-runner Joe Biden’s, saying, “My plan compares favorably in that it exists. No one asks how we’re going to pay for ‘remember Obama.’”
The skit ends with Warren leaving a female audience member in tears as she compares her old health insurance plan to a bad boyfriend.
“Girl, listen to me, you need to leave him,” she says as the woman broke down in tears. “You deserve better. Dump his ass!”