Is It Anti-Feminist to Cook for Your Boyfriend?

Is It Anti-Feminist to Cook for Your Boyfriend?


Domesticity has been linked with subservience for much of history. As feminism first emerged, that link stayed firmly in place. Should a powerful, working woman be cooking for her family or partner? The answer, for a long time, for some, was no.

But those biases and assumptions need reexamining. What’s actually anti-feminist, at this point, is prescribing what feminism is—including looking down on domesticity. I believe in a version of feminism where every person can express the traditionally “feminine” aspects of themselves as they see fit. It nurtures me—and nurtures many people, of all genders—to nurture.

Making food and giving through food is part of my love language. I’ve always cooked for my friends and my kids, and I love to do it for Brad, too, so our “boyfriend breakfasts” are something of a sacred tradition between us at this point.

Sauté the zucchini with a little olive oil and salt to start the Green Chili Eggs (recipe below). I like to get them pretty brown to bring out that nutty sweetness.

They started when we were dating, both divorced parents. Sometimes neither of us had our kids on Saturday mornings, so it became a thing, and both of us still relish the energy it brings to our relationship. Even when I’m not eating (I like intermittent fasting some mornings), I really enjoy the act of cooking—and cooking specifically for him.

For me, it’s not anti-feminist to serve; it’s an act of service that’s about seeing the other person and understanding their needs. It brings a particular energy and intimacy to a relationship. Cooking is also, for me—and I think many type A people—relaxing and grounding. Embracing something so traditionally feminine and old-fashioned balances the hard-driving, work side of myself. I thought a lot about that balance as we filmed the couples in Sex, Love & goop on Netflix: Shifting to a softer, regenerative aspect of yourself can change the way you relate to your partner. You access that aspect through sexuality, of course, but I find I can also access a similar kind of energetic shift through cooking.

chorizo and veggies

In another pan (I used the ten-inch fry pan here), crumble and cook the chorizo, getting it crispy and rendering all the flavorful fat. When the rest of the veggies and the enchilada sauce are cooked and combined in the oval roster, I add the chorizo and four eggs and bake it all together in the oven.

Food is love, food is beauty, and at a powerful level, it is wellness. It’s always been an essential element here at goop: When I sent out the very first goop newsletter in 2008, my recipes for turkey ragu and banana nut muffins were the stars, and food is still an enormous part of who we are.

Caring for ourselves and the people we love also means cooking without the jaw-droppingly toxic “forever chemicals” PFAS, PFOA, lead, and cadmium that are common in nonstick cookware. That’s why, when we started thinking about creating the goop Home cookware collection, GreenPan’s clean, nontoxic, nonstick, dishwasher-safe Thermolon Minerals Pro technology was an absolutely essential element—table stakes in the truest sense of the term.

  1. goop Home 10-Piece Cookware Set

    goop Home
    10-Piece Cookware Set
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half eaten dish of food

You won’t have much to clean up (someone’s about to grab this last bit here), but cleanup is super easy anyway because of the nontoxic, nonstick coating.

Most mornings, I serve whatever I make right in the pan, on the table. There’s something so elemental about eggs still frying in ghee, or a green shakshuka still bubbling—and of course in these pans, everything looks better. (The pale cream looks so chic against the gold handles, I think. The handles also stay cool, so you don’t burn your hands.)

While the pans don’t last as long as a conventional nonstick pan would, they limit your exposure to persistent, powerful environmental toxins. They’re made of upcycled stainless steel and aluminum to resist damage, and they never release harmful fumes, even if you accidentally overheat or thermal-shock them.

  1. goop Home 10″ & 12″ Frypan Set

    goop Home
    10″ & 12″ Fry Pan Set
    goop, $100

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  2. goop Home Oval Roaster

    goop Home
    Oval Roaster
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  3. goop Home 5QT Covered Casserole

    goop Home
    5QT Covered Casserole
    goop, $150

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One currently very popular, paleo-friendly exception is Green Chili Eggs; here’s that recipe, plus a few other favorites. These recipes are easy to expand on—we often end up cooking breakfast for the whole family or even a big bunch of friends.

  1. Grand Central Life & Style My Father’s Daughter

    Grand Central Life & Style
    My Father’s Daughter
    goop, $32

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  2. Grand Central Life & Style It's All Good

    Grand Central Life & Style
    It’s All Good
    goop, $32

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  3. goop Press

    goop Press
    It’s All Easy
    goop, $35

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  4. goop Press The Clean Plate

    goop Press
    The Clean Plate
    goop, $35

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Rachel Meadows

Rachel Meadows

Trending topics news writer who enjoys cooking, walking her dog and travel.

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