Here’s What The Golden Globes Looked Like 10 Years Ago

Is it just me, or does Brangelina feel more like 100 years ago?


J. Lo and Marc Anthony were still a thing…

Steve Granitz / WireImage / Getty Images


…as were Brangelina…

Steve Granitz / WireImage / Getty Images


…and Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green.

Jason Merritt / Getty Images


Anne Hathaway was nominated for her ah-mazing performance in Love & Other Drugs.

Steve Granitz / WireImage / Getty Images


Justin Bieber still had this haircut.

Jason Merritt / Getty Images


Diddy had just played a minor role in the outrageous comedy, Get Him to the Greek.

Jeff Kravitz / FilmMagic / Getty Images


Leighton Meester was still queen bee on Gossip Girl.

Steve Granitz / WireImage / Getty Images


Natalie Portman won Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama for her fabulous performance in Black Swan.

Jon Kopaloff / FilmMagic / Getty Images


Robert Pattinson was still capturing the hearts of teenage girls in the Twilight movies.

Frank Trapper / Getty Images


Eva Longoria had just filed for divorce from San Antonio Spurs player, Tony Parker.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images


Zac Efron looked cute as ever.

Jason Merritt / Getty Images


Jim Parsons had the biggest smile after winning Best TV Series (Musical or Comedy) for his role in The Big Bang Theory, which was on Season 4 at the time.

Steve Granitz / WireImage / Getty Images


Christina Aguilera had just split up with Jordan Bratman and started dating Matthew Rutler. They’re still together today and share a daughter!

Jason Merritt / Getty Images


Olivia Wilde looked like an edgy Cinderella.

Jason Merritt / Getty Images


Halle Berry was rightfully nominated for her leading role in Frankie & Alice.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images


Sofía Vergara was only two seasons in on Modern Family‘s 11 seasons.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images


Nina Dobrev was still the star of The Vampire Diaries.

Jon Kopaloff / FilmMagic / Getty Images


Helena Bonham Carter wore a very, um, interesting pair of Christmas-colored shoes.

Jason Merritt / Getty Images


Colin Firth won Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama for his moving performance in The King’s Speech.

Evan Agostini / NBC / Getty Images


And finally, Amber Riley ~sparkled~ in this absolutely gorgeous Oliver Tolentino gown.

Steve Granitz / WireImage / Getty Images

You can check out the rest of our Golden Globes coverage here!

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Children Are Consuming Hand Sanitizer. Here’s How to Keep Them Safe.

Alcohol-based hand sanitizer became a must-have item during the pandemic. But as sales jumped and families stocked up, poison control centers started getting more calls about little children who had accidentally ingested it.

Even now, about a year after the frenzy to stock up on sanitizer first began, hand sanitizer remains within easy reach in many homes, and calls to the nation’s poison control centers are on pace to continue trending higher than before the pandemic.

Last year, there were more than 20,000 exposures to hand sanitizer among children under 6, an increase of 40 percent from 2019, according to data from the American Association of Poison Control Centers that was obtained by The New York Times.

Most of these exposures involved children 2 and younger who had ingested the sanitizer. In many cases, no symptoms were recorded, which means that the child might have only taken a brief taste or lick, something that will not typically cause significant health effects, said Dr. Justin Arnold, the medical director of Florida Poison Information Center Tampa. But in other instances, children experienced vomiting, cough and mouth irritation.

Even though most cases are mild, by storing sanitizer properly and supervising young kids while they use it, parents can avoid the stress of having to call poison control or taking an unnecessary trip to the emergency room.

The uptick in exposures has continued in recent months. In January, for example, there were nearly 34 percent more hand sanitizer exposures reported among children under 6 than there were the year before.

Exposure to household cleaners like liquid laundry detergent packets, bleach, all-purpose cleaners, drain cleaners and oven cleaners also increased, rising by 10 percent among children under 6 during the first few months of the pandemic, according to a report released in August by the American Association of Poison Control Centers.

But when it comes to hand sanitizer, something we regularly reach for when we’re outside and slather all over our hands, it’s easy to let your guard down, experts said. Especially because hand sanitizer does not come with a child-resistant closure.

“People don’t recognize how toxic it is if ingested, what the effects are and what they need to do for safe storage,” said William Eggleston, a clinical toxicologist at the Upstate New York Poison Center in Syracuse, N.Y., and an assistant professor at the Binghamton University School of Pharmacy.

It depends how much is swallowed.

If children ingest enough alcohol-based hand sanitizer, they can get “dangerously drunk,” said Dr. Diane Calello, a pediatric toxicologist and the executive and medical director of the New Jersey Poison Center.

Last spring, Dr. Calello co-authored a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report about the rise in calls to poison centers that warned parents to keep hand sanitizers, cleaners and disinfectants away from kids. The report highlighted the case of a preschooler who was found unresponsive at her home near a 64-ounce bottle of ethanol-based hand sanitizer. Her blood alcohol level was at .27 percent, more than three times the federal legal limit over which an adult is not permitted to drive.

Hand sanitizer is 60 to 95 percent alcohol, a much stronger concentration than you would find in beer, wine or most hard liquors. A child weighing 20 pounds who drank a tablespoon or two could become intoxicated, Dr. Calello said, and appear “a little drunk.”

“As a dose gets higher they can get very sleepy and have trouble breathing, just as we see with severe adult alcohol intoxication,” she added.

After drinking even a modest amount of alcohol, children are more likely than adults to experience a dangerous drop in blood sugar, which can make them lethargic starting about six to 10 hours after consumption, Dr. Calello said.

Ingesting sanitizer can also irritate the throat or stomach, especially if they are formulated with isopropyl alcohol, which is an ingredient often found in rubbing alcohol, the experts said.

Keep all hand sanitizers out of children’s reach — and also out of sight, even if all you have is a small bottle that you keep tucked away in a handbag or a backpack.

“It’s important for parents to treat it like medications in the household,” Dr. Eggleston said.

You may be wondering if your family ought to avoid hand sanitizer entirely. While washing your hands is the most effective way to get rid of germs, the C.D.C. still recommends using hand sanitizer with at least 60 percent alcohol to help prevent the spread of the coronavirus if soap and water aren’t readily available.

If you have children under 6 at home, supervise them while they’re using it, Dr. Arnold said.

“You don’t want the child to pump their own and start to taste it,” he added.

There was a spike in calls to U.S. poison control centers in July and August after the Food and Drug Administration warned of hand sanitizers that may contain methanol, which can be toxic if ingested. Hand sanitizers should never contain methanol.

“You can die from drinking methanol — and people do,” Dr. Calello said.

The absorption of methanol in the skin, however, is “pretty minimal,” she added.

You can visit the F.D.A.’s website to search for the list of sanitizer products that should not be used (including several brands imported from Mexico that contain methanol). If you discover that you have one of these products in your home, the F.D.A. advises putting the hand sanitizer bottle in a hazardous waste container, if available, and seeking guidance from your local waste management center about the safest way to dispose of it. Do not flush or pour it down the drain or mix it with other liquids.

If your child swallowed hand sanitizer, don’t try to induce vomiting, the experts said. Call poison control at 1-800-222-1222 so that you can get quick guidance on the best course of action.

If your child is unconscious, acting abnormal, is difficult to wake up or has trouble breathing, call 911.

“Fortunately, the milder cases are much more common,” Dr. Calello said. “More likely we’re going to say, ‘Stay home, watch him, I’m going to call you back in an hour or half-hour.’ We keep a lot of people out of hospital that way, by providing them with real-time phone guidance.”

You should also call poison control if your child gets hand sanitizer in their eyes. In the United States, there were about 900 reports of ocular exposure in children under 6 in 2020, an increase of 54 percent from 2019. A recent JAMA Ophthalmology study out of France that reviewed data from poison control centers there found that eye-related hand sanitizer exposures in children increased sevenfold in 2020 compared to 2019, and an increase in surgeries required to manage the resulting chemical injuries.

“In an emergency, any clean liquid can be used to irrigate the eye following chemical exposure,” Dr. Kathryn Colby, chairwoman of the department of ophthalmology at the N.Y.U. Grossman School of Medicine, wrote in a commentary published in JAMA Ophthalmology last month. “Finally,” she added, “parents need to understand the importance of an eye examination if any exposure occurs in children,” because early diagnosis and treatment is crucial.

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San Francisco: Here’s How To Make The Buena Vista Cafe’s Famous Irish Coffee


It’s no surprise that the Irish Coffee was invented in Ireland. Conceived by a chef named Joe Sheridan it was only made famous in America when journalist Stan Delaplane, was served one while passing through Ireland in 1951.  By then the Irish Coffee had already gained popularity in Ireland and had become the house welcome drink at the airport.

When Stan returned to San Francisco, he told his friend, and owner of The Buena Vista Café, Jack Koeppler, about the delicious drink he had tried. They tried reproducing it on their own, but it never seemed to come out like the original. They just couldn’t get the cream right. After much experimentation and a trip back to Ireland, the two finally found success. The Buena Vista Irish Coffee was born.

Since 1952, The Buena Vista has sold millions of glasses of their delicious original Irish Coffees over the years. On a busy day, they can sell over 2000 glasses and they report that they sell more Irish whiskey than anywhere else in the world. From the crowds we witnessed inside it’s not hard to believe. 

Authentic San Francisco Irish Coffee From The Buena Vista Cafe

As you can imagine, the bar can get pretty packed with customers looking to get a taste of their famous Irish Coffee.

A busy Buena Vista Cafe San Francisco


Fun Fact: If you get your Irish Coffee to go at The Buena Vista, you’re served a miniature bottle of Tullamore D.E.W. (their Irish whiskey of choice) on the side to get around local liquor laws. But once you are outside the restaurant, you just pop the little bottle open and pour the whiskey into the coffee yourself.  This option lets you have your authentic Buena Vista Irish Coffee so can keep exploring beautiful San Francisco.

The Buena Vistsa San Francisco Irish Coffee To go

Located on the corner of Hyde and Beach streets, overlooking Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco, The Buena Vista Cafe isn’t around the block for most of us. On a recent visit, we discovered that they’re nice enough to give out their recipe in a lovely little brochure. And we’re sharing their recipe with you.


THE COFFEE:  For the perfect brew, Buena Vista uses the Breakfast Blend roast from local Oakland, CA coffee roaster Peerless Coffee & Tea.  You can grab the exact  Peerless Coffee & Tea Breakfast Blend in a whole bean 2 lb. bag on Amazon.

For an alternative close to the real thing, use a smooth, rich medium roast coffee blend you enjoy.Peerless Coffee & Tea Breakfast Blend Bag



THE WHISKEY: The Buena Vista Café exclusively uses Tullamore D.E.W. Irish Whiskey in their Irish Coffees.  Averaging around $37 to$39 a bottle, they’re very reasonable and a well-stocked liquor store should carry it. If you’d rather order online and save yourself some time and energy, you can conveniently have the Tullamore D.E.W. shipped straight to your door from ReserveBar instead.


Tullamore D.E.W. Original

With a subtle and smooth complexity, Tullamore D.E.W. Original is the first triple dist… [More]

Price: $37.00



THE SUGAR: Sugar cubes are the only way to go in this cocktail for that touch of sweet.  The Buena Vista adds 2 white sugar cubes to each glass for their recipe.  


THE CREAM: For the cream top on the Irish Coffee to float properly heavy cream should be lightly whipped until thick and frothy, but not stiff. An inexpensive milk frother or electric foamer works great for this recipe. They’re also perfect any time you want a latte or other coffee house style drink at home.



THE COFFEE GLASS: For the ultimate and most authentic Buena Vista Irish Coffee ever, serve it in a clear heatproof glass goblet or mug. It allows you to see the beautiful layers of the Irish coffee which definitely adds to the whole experience. You can also get the exact same style of Irish Coffee glasses they use in the restaurant at The Buena Vista on Amazon. 



Authentic San Francisco Irish Coffee From The Buena Vista Cafe


Authentic San Francisco Irish Coffee From The Buena Vista Cafe

The Famous Buena Vista Irish Coffee


The Irish Coffee was invented by Chef Joe Sheridan in Ireland and made famous in America by the Buena Vista Cafe in San Francisco. Since 1952, they’ve sold millions of their perfected Irish Coffees over the years. They’re still served to this day at the Buena Vista. Here’s how you can enjoy one in your own home.

Course Cocktails, Drinks

Cuisine Irish


  • Fill an 8-ounce clear heatproof glass with hot water to warm the glass. Pour out when the glass feels warm to the touch. Add the whiskey to the glass.

  • Fill the glass 3/4 of the way with hot coffee and then add the 2 sugar-cubes. Stir until completely dissolved.

  • Holding a spoon over the glass. Start to slowly pour the slightly thickened, whipped cream over the spoon into the glass until full.

  • Enjoy your Buena Vista Irish Coffee!

Keyword coffee drink, Irish Coffee, San francisco




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Here’s why racism is rampant on dating apps

The authors of a new book are arguing for race-blind dating apps — and the removal of filters for race and ethnicity.

Finding love, they say, isn’t so black-and-white. 

In a new book, “The Dating Divide: Race and Desire in the Era of Online Romance,” sociologists Jennifer Lundquist, Celeste Vaughan Curington and Ken Hou-Lin show how online dating sites exacerbate racial divisions.

They found that race-related “preference” filters on digital dating platforms help foster racist attitudes — especially toward black women. 

Filtering out people based on race is a normal practice on dating apps,” Lundquist told The Post. 

“The idea of having racial preferences is unacceptable and illegal in any other arena,” she added. “But it’s literally built into the structure of these dating apps.”

A 2014 study about dating preferences along racial lines on OKCupid came to a similar conclusion: Black women had a hard time matching on dating apps, as did black and Asian men.

(The 2014 study also found that preferring to date within one’s race was fairly common. For instance, black women preferred to date black men at a rate surpassed only by Asian women’s preference for Asian men.)

Filtering for race on dating apps has led to rampant racism.
Filtering for race on dating apps has led to rampant racism.
Alamy Stock Photo

For their book, Lundquist and her co-writers analyzed large-scale behavioral data from one of the leading dating sites in America. The authors declined to publicly reveal which digital dating platform they used for their research per a data-share agreement with the website. 

They also conducted over 75 in-depth interviews with daters of diverse racial backgrounds and sexual identities. 

The authors found that racial filtering on mating forums exposed black women to more exclusion and rejection than white, Latina and Asian female daters. Black women were the most likely to be excluded from searches, as well as the most likely recipients of offensive messages.

The research trio found that discrimination is laced into the algorithms of mainstream dating apps and websites.

“[It’s] this idea that it’s OK to say, ‘I prefer this race of people, and I don’t like this race of people for my romantic interest,’” Curington explained to The Post.

Hinge, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish and offer race and ethnicity filters, while Tinder and Bumble do not. 

While plenty of people have “a type” when it comes to dating, the researchers found that filtering for race also let “people feel free to express their biases and racial misogyny towards women of color in a way they typically wouldn’t in a face-to-face encounter,” Lundquist said.

In a new book, “The Dating Divide: Race and Desire in the Era of Online Romance,” sociologists Jennifer Lundquist, Celeste Vaughan Curington and Ken Hou-Lin show how online dating sites exacerbate racial divisions.
The Dating Divide

So, how did users go from being ignored to harassed? One possible explanation: When the average dating-app user doesn’t see black women because of the filters they’ve set, you end up with a higher percentage of users seeking black women as a “fetish.”

For Nicole, a 39-year-old Afro Caribbean single mother from Brooklyn, receiving overly sexual overtures from non-black men on apps has become an unwelcome norm. 

“Right off the bat these guys are approaching me with, ‘Hey, sexy chocolate,’ or ‘I love your beautiful black body. Can you twerk?,’” the registered nurse told The Post.

Nicole and other black daters who’ve endured racist attitudes while online dating declined to share their full names with The Post for privacy reasons. 

“I’m on these apps hoping to find a meaningful relationship and these guys are treating me like a sex object before even extending a proper ‘Hello,’” the Brooklyn resident added. 

The authors found that black women on matchmaking platforms must frequently contend with racist stereotypes such as the sexually insatiable “Jezebel,” which has roots in slavery, and the “angry black woman” — a belief that black women are innately unruly and ill-tempered. 

“We talked to a number of educated black women who were thriving in their careers and looking for comparable partners,” Curington told The Post. “But there’s a disconnect between who they are in real life versus the Jezebel stereotype they’re being subjected to online.”

“I’m on these apps hoping to find a meaningful relationship and these guys are treating me like a sex object before even extending a proper ‘Hello.’”


Mish, a black executive assistant to C-suite business administrators, told The Post that her digital quest for companionship reaped a paltry handful of bad love connections. 

“I’m very turned off by dating sites now,” the 53-year-old Bronx native insisted. “They make me feel uneasy. Like I’m not being seen as the beautiful queen I am.”

She recalls one relationship with a Hispanic man that quickly turned sour.

“When we first met, he made a point of telling me how much he loved black women,” Mish told The Post. 

He was sexually aggressive during their first in-person meet-up last year. After finally engaging in consensual sex, he ghosted her. 

She later discovered he had a sordid history of fetishizing black women for his personal pleasures, then dumping them once he’d had his fun. 

“He targets black women because we’re seen as sexual objects, nothing more,” she said, noting that they never spoke again. 

Black gay men were also subjected to hypersexualized stereotypes, the authors found.  

Clark, a 26-year-old urban contemporary choreographer, told The Post his brush with racism ultimately got him banned from a leading dating app. 

“At first this white guy was sweet,” the Manhattan-based dancer explained. “But after a few messages, he asked for nude pictures to see ‘if the rumors about black guys are true.’”

Clark responded to the request with a flurry of expletives. The man reported Clark to the app administrators for “cyber bullying.” Clark’s dating profile was immediately deactivated. 

“I couldn’t believe it when I saw my profile was gone. I had to create a whole new account,” Clark told The Post. “It was like I was being attacked twice, once by the white guy and once by the app.”

The authors suggest doing away with racial filters on apps in order to eliminate the perpetuation of racial stereotyping and discrimination. 

However, they note that their objective isn’t to bash people for having a dating “type,” nor is it to browbeat folks into dating outside of their race. 

“We’re not dumping on dating apps or people’s individual choices,” Curington told The Post. “We just want everyone to be aware of the long-standing societal issues being exacerbated on this platform.”

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We Tested MicrodermMD by Trophy Skin. Here’s Our Review.

I think we can all agree that the constant stream of skin care products, tools, and treatments coming out promising this benefit or that benefit can sometimes get a little overwhelming. Not only can it be hard to keep up with but you have to spend lots of money trying to make sense and figure out what really works.

What if I said I truly actually 100% found something that works? Hand to heart, I swear.

What if I told you I actually used something that can give your skin a super-luminous glow? You know the one you had before the house, before the kids, before the career and the pile of school loans. Did I also mention it will save you lots of money, trips to the spa or doctor’s office and you can do it in just 5 minutes a couple times a week right in your own home? And guess what else? You’ll actually see real results after the first treatment? Yes, I am being real right now.

So, Heather what is this magical device you ask? I will tell you. It’s the MicrodermMD by Trophy Skin. It’s a professional-grade home microdermabrasion system that helps remove those layers of dead and dry skin that build up over time making you look dull, tired and kind of blah.

If you’re not familiar, microdermabrasion is a simple non-invasive, non-chemical method to gently exfoliate the skin and diminish those not so pretty signs of aging. Microdermabrasion might be simple, but it’s extremely effective. It’s also one of the gentlest and fastest anti-aging treatments available today.

While results can vary from person to person microdermabrasion treatments can be very beneficial. Not only can it give you a youthful glow, but it can be used to treat a wide range of skin problems. Most people see improvement in one treatment. With continued treatments it can also:

  • Help your skin to not only feel smoother but look smoother.
  • Smooth fine lines and wrinkles.
  • Reduce or remove acne scars.
  • Reduce sun damage, age spots, and even skin tone.
  • Minimize or clear up acne, blackheads, and whiteheads.
  • Minimize and unclog enlarged pores.
  • Help your makeup apply like a dream.
  • Improve the absorption of skin care products.
  • Firming and tone the complexion.
  • Get you lots of compliments on how great your skin looks!

How You Can Get Professional Grade Microdermabrasion Treatments At Home

While you used to have to make an appointment with a spa or doctor for a microdermabrasion treatment, those days are over. The same quality treatments provided by these types of skin care professionals you can now get right at home.

The MicrodermMD by Trophy Skin is one of the first professional grade microdermabrasion machines created and intended for home use. Using a Diamond Tip on the end of a wand, it mechanically exfoliates the top layer of dead skin cells while simultaneously vacuuming them away with suction.

The suction action of the MicrodermMD also stimulates blood flow and nutrient delivery to the surface of the skin. This encourages the growth of healthy new cells including collagen and elastin for improved skin elasticity and texture. The result: your skin feels softer, smoother and it will look more radiant vibrant than ever.

Who Should Really Get The MicrodermMD?

I would say anyone who wants smoother, brighter and more youthful looking skin. It works wonderfully and is safe for all skin types. Guys can use it too.

What’s Included With The MicrodermMD Machine?

The MicrodermMD Machine: MicrodermMD by Trophy Skin is a professional-grade at home microdermabrasion machine designed to reveal fresh, glowing skin using a high tech combo of diamond exfoliation and gentle suction to buff away dead skin and promote cell turnover. This mechanical action on the skin reduces the appearance of wrinkles, dark spots, enlarged pores, and scarring while smoothing and softening.

A Medium Diamond Tip: Medium coarseness and made with real natural diamonds, combined with suction from the machine this tip is what powerfully but gently exfoliates your skin. You can adjust the suction level on your device for more or less sensitive skin. It’s also crystal-free which means there are no harmful synthetic ingredients. For those with extra sensitive skin, Trophy Skin can provide a Fine Diamond Tip which is less coarse.

A Pore Extraction Tip: This tip uses suction to gradually remove blackheads, whiteheads and excess oil deep from the pores. Use this tip at the lowest power level on alternate days of performing a microdermabrasion treatment.

An Infusion Tip: This attachment will help you get the most out of your favorite serums, creams, and moisturizers. Put the machine on the lowest level and glide the infusion tip across your skin to drive the nourishing ingredients into your pores for maximum absorption. The vacuum suction also helps to improve circulation.

100 Filters – These tiny black filters protect the machine from clogging and ultimately damaging the suction motor. They also let you see what you removed from your skin.

Power adapter (100V-240V)

User manual and Instructional How-To DVD

How To Use The Trophy Skin MicrodermMD 

When first taking the MicrodermMD out of the box you might at first think it looks complicated. I can assure you it is anything but. It is really so easy to use and it was intentionally developed with ease of use in mind.

After you plug it in and turn on the power button you’ll hear the motor run for a couple of seconds and then go quiet. Then you’ll know it’s ready to use. With the Diamond Tip and filter properly in place you can pick from two settings: Manual or Automatic. For a beginner, I suggest starting with the Automatic Mode. The screen will then guide you through a full microdermabrasion routine that includes your entire face, neck, and chest. All you have to do is watch the little screen and follow along. Each portion of your face has its own suction power pre-programmed and is timed at intervals telling you when to move onto the next part of your skin.

All the while you are moving the wand across your skin while holding the skin taut. Short even strokes are best and it’s not recommended to go over the same spot more than 2 or 3 times.

And if you’re not sure which direction you should be moving the wand don’t worry. Little arrows blinking on the screen will even show you the proper direction to move the wand for each skin part. This may all seem a little awkward at first, but after your first time, you quickly become a natural. The Auto Mode is a 5-minute treatment including a full face and neck treatment. If you want to move onto other body parts like your hands, legs or scarred areas it may take a little longer.

Once I used the MicrodermMD a couple of times I quickly got a feel for the settings and moved onto manual mode. On manual, you choose the suction power and amount of time you want to spend of each part of your skin. This is great because some days you may want a little more power and others a little less.

Sensitive skin areas, for example, like just under the eyes should be treated with a lower power mode while less sensitive areas like your hands can withstand higher settings. You can even cycle through the suction power settings to see what feels right. In manual mode, it’s all up to you.

What Happens When You’re Done With Your Microdermabrasion Treatment?

After you’ve finished your treatment you simply rinse your face with cool water and apply your favorite anti-aging serum or moisturizer.

Now comes the most rewarding part, besides the super glowy smooth skin. First, you remove the diamond tip on the wand. You’ll then see a little black filter that should now be covered in fluffy little white particles that look like dust. That’s not dust though. That would be your dry dead skin. That’s how you know it’s working! Throw that sucker away and replace it with a fresh filter so you’re ready for your next treatment. This protects the suction motor and keeps your machine running smooth.

To clean the diamond tip just take the miniature bristle brush included in the kit and gently brush it across the top to remove any buildup. Replace it on the wand, unplug your machine, put everything away and you’re all set for your next treatment.

Don’t forget to look in the mirror and admire your fresh, healthy glow!

What Happened After My First MicroMD Treatment? What You Should Expect.

The first thing I noticed after using the MicrodermMD for the first time was that my skin felt incredibly smooth. Like I couldn’t stop touching it smooth. I also noticed that my skin had a nice glow about it and looked tighter. My skin lost that dull look it had that could only be remedied with layers of foundation and some serious highlighter. And this is the thing that is so great about microdermabrasion- the instant gratification and visible proof that it actually works. You don’t have to wait weeks and months before you see any benefits.  You will most likely see them after the first use.

One of the greatest things about microdermabrasion is that it is completely non-invasive and after your treatment, you require zero recovery time. And even better: there’s no pain. It is often referred to as the ‘lunchtime facial’ because of how convenient and effective it is. In other words, you can actually leave the house right afterward and not get crazy looks from passersby.

My mom has gotten a few professional skin treatments like chemical peels that have left her looking like someone threw a cup of boiling coffee in her face. I always joke and tell her to make sure they don’t forget to admit her to the burn unit whenever she has an appointment. So yeah. She needs a few days to heal up from that. With microdermabrasion, you’re good to go right after. No bag over your head required.

The only thing you may experience after a treatment is a little bit of redness or sensitivity that should subside within a couple of hours. My redness after my first treatment went away within an hour or two and my skin felt great. After a microdermabrasion treatment, I make sure to apply my favorite soothing moisturizer or oil to calm the skin. Sunscreen after treatment is an absolute must if I expect to go outdoors or spend time in the sun. Microdermabrasion can make skin more sensitive to sunlight and burning.

Does The Trophy Skin MicrodermMD Really Work? What Can You Expect In The Long Term?

Although even a single treatment of microdermabrasion will leave you noticing the difference, for best results you should use the MicrodermMD regularly. There’s no doubt your skin will feel smoother in one session. Mine certainly 100% did.

I’ve been using the MicrodermMD for almost 8 weeks now and I can’t believe the change in my skin. I noticed the little fine wrinkles under my eyes are barely there anymore I feel like I’ve just begun to see an improvement in some sun spots and discoloration. My pores are also beginning to show improvement. I can’t wait to see what my skin looks like 6 months from now.

Trophy Skin MicrodermMD Before and After

Most users of the MicrodermMD should see a difference in their skin within 2-6 weeks. Everyone’s skin is different and actual results will vary from person to person, but these are some of the benefits you may notice with long-term use of the MicrodermMD:

  • Cleaner clearer pores.
  • Reduction in pore size.
  • Smoother skin.
  • Reduction or elimination of blemishes and acne.
  • Diminished fine lines, wrinkles and acne scarring.
  • Tons of compliments on how great your skin looks!

Why I Now Can’t Live Without The MicrodermMD


This Little Machine Save Me Lots Of Money!

Depending on where you go, a single microdermabrasion treatment can run anywhere from $75 to upwards of $300. While I love the results of microdermabrasion I’m not crazy about what it does to my bank account. So let’s do a little math. The Microderm MD is $299. With one treatment it pays for itself if you were to visit a doctor’s office or high-end spa charging $300 (which isn’t unheard of). Any of these places will tell you that you need at least 4 to 6 sessions to start seeing real results, especially with harder to treat skin concerns like acne. With 4 treatments the MicrodermMD pays for itself if you were to visit a spa or salon charging $75 per session. The MicrodermMD continues to pay for itself with every use. Either way that’s pretty amazing. It’s really a small investment in your skin.

I Can Do it On My Own Schedule

I like that I don’t have to worry about scheduling or showing up for microdermabrasion treatment appointments. With Trophy Skin’s MicrodermMD you do it on your time and when you’re ready. Five minutes two to three times per week is all you need.

I Don’t Like To Share Skin Care Tools

Personally, I like having my own tools that I know are just for me. I just feel a little more comfortable knowing where it has been and that it has cleaned properly. When you visit a spa or salon, although slim, there is a chance that the tools may not have been properly sanitized. And really you just can never be sure. With my own microdermabrasion machine, I know exactly how it’s been used, and feel a little better that it is meant for my skin and my skin only.

Important Notes To Mention            

MicrodermMD doesn’t just treat your face! With the large microdermabrasion diamond tip, you can use it for those spots on your body that are prone to dryness. It’s perfect for arms, legs, elbows, knees and the backs of your hands and feet.

Microdermabrasion temporarily removes moisture so it is important to always follow treatment with the application of a good moisturizer or anti-aging serum.

Microdermabrasion is not recommended if you have certain skin conditions like rosacea, eczema, dermatitis, sunburn, herpes, lupus, open wounds or sores, psoriasis, or any other serious skin condition. If you are questioning whether microdermabrasion is right for you, Trophy Skin has an on-staff esthetician available via chat, email or phone ready to answer any questions and provide treatment advice. You can also consult your doctor.

What I Would Like To See In The Future

While I’m 100% in love with the MicrodermMD I feel like there is always room to make a great product even better. I would love to see an adjustable mirror. The mirror on the back of the device case is fine, but you have to be sitting at just the right angle to be able to use it. I would also love to have a unit that is rechargeable where you don’t necessarily have to be near an outlet to use it. I can’t wait to see how this product evolves since it is already so incredibly effective.

Final Thoughts

I have to say that I am obsessed with this little microdermabrasion machine. I’m not someone who is into fussy routines and I admit the instant results have me hooked. I think anyone who uses this machine will see a difference in their skin and will be just as hooked as I am. You’ll certainly feel the difference. And spending 5 minutes on your skin 2 to 3 times per week in your own home is way better than heading out to a doctor’s office or salon while spending tons of money.

While it’s the instant gratification of smooth glowy skin that will keep me using the MicrodermMD, it’s the continued improvements ­in my skin that will keep me using it for the months and years to come. I can’t wait to see how great my skin will look in another year.

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We Tested The NEW Ninja Foodi Grill. Here’s Why We Love It

* This post was created in partnership with Ninja® and I received a complimentary product but all opinions within are my own. This post contains affiliate links.


Do you love to grill, but don’t do it as often as you like? Maybe you don’t like the hassle or your outdoor living space won’t accommodate a BBQ? Or maybe you don’t have an outdoor living space? A new kitchen appliance by Ninja called the Ninja® Foodi™ Grill is about to change all that and make grilling easy year-round, even if you have limited space to work with. We got a chance to give it a test drive before its official release and after using it for a few weeks we’re officially hooked! Not only does the Ninja Foodi Grill grill foods amazingly (see below), but it also performs a variety of other functions to make it worthy of adding to your collection of kitchen appliances. If you’re currently thinking, “Do I really need another kitchen gadget?” let me be the first to tell you, yes. Keep reading to see what our first impressions are and scroll down for the first yummy recipe we created using the Ninja Foodi Grill.

First Impressions And Grilling Experience with Ninja Foodi Grill

When I first learned about the Ninja Foodi Grill, I have to admit I was skeptical about how it would perform. I wondered if it actually gives food those amazing grill marks. Would the flavor be there? Would the food be juicy? Would we get that beautiful caramelization if the meat was glazed with a BBQ sauce or marinade?  I can now confidently say the answer is yes, yes and yes. Boy did it deliver. Not only is it an amazing indoor grill but it exceeded my expectations in every way.

My first test cooking with the grill was with some zucchini and squash simply seasoned with salt and pepper along with some jumbo shrimp I had marinating.

The Ninja Foodi Grill Making Grilled Veggies Perfectly

The grill can take up to 8 minutes to pre-heat so this is a good time to do any prepping or other tasks you might need to do. I made sure the grill grate was inserted and selected the max heating setting for 510 degrees, which is suggested for grilling the shrimp and veg.

The display on the unit will show the pre-heating progress and alert you with an ‘ADD FOOD’ message. This is your cue to open the hood and get that food on the grill. I tossed my veggies in a bowl with some grape seed oil and got them on the grill first. It’s recommended to flip half-way between cooking so you get those gorgeous grill marks on both sides. I forgot to do that, but here is the amazing result anyway:

Ninja Foodi Tip: It’s recommended you use oils with a high smoke point like canola, grapeseed or avocado to prevent smoking while grilling.

Now check out these amazing grilled shrimp made with the Ninja® Foodi™ Grill:

perfectly grilled shrimp made with Ninja Foodi Grill

Aren’t they gorgeous? The veggies also came out tender and amazing.

Grilled Veggies like squash zucchini and mushrooms made with the Ninja Foodi Grill

And check out the grill marks on these chicken breasts:

Grilled chicken breasts being cooked in the Ninja Foodi Grill

These steaks aren’t looking too shabby either…

Sizzling steak made perfectly in the Ninja Foodi Grill

When deciding what else I wanted to make I realized some of my favorite grilled dishes come from Vietnamese restaurants. That’s when I knew I had to make something similar for the Ninja Foodi Grill Check out this amazing Vietnamese inspired mixed grill platter we made below.Vietnamese mixed platter with cucumber, peppers, carrots and herbs made with the Ninja Foodi GrillCheck out our recipe for Vietnamese Style Mixed Grill recipe made using the Ninja Foodi Grill at the bottom of this post.

Heating Up The Ninja Foodi Grill

You can get the Ninja Foodi Grill started by selecting the cooking function you’d like and set your timer. You can also adjust temperatures on the display panel as well. Once programmed the grill will begin to pre-heat.  Once you pick your cooking function, temperature and time, the unit will begin to pre-heat. Higher temperatures will take up to approximately 8 minutes to heat up. This is a perfect time to assemble ingredients, set the table or finish cleaning some dirty dishes.

You have a choice to grill at 4 different preset temps for grilling:

  • Low – 400 °F (bacon, sausages, calzones, meats with thick sauces)
  • Medium – 450 °F (frozen meats, steak tips, etc. )
  • High – 500 °F (steaks, burgers, chicken, hot dogs, etc.)
  • Max – 510 °F  (pizzas, veggies, fruit, kebabs, fresh and frozen seafood)

Temperatures can be set much lower if you are performing other functions like air crisping, baking or dehydrating.

The Ninja Foodi Grill preheating on high

After I found the Ninja Foodi Grill knocked grilling out of the park I couldn’t wait to try the air crisper function. It allows you to essentially ”fry” and crisp foods with air circulation instead of traditional frying that uses oil. The benefit is a healthier way to enjoy “fried” foods without all the extra fat and calories. In the end, you still get that satisfying crispy crunchy exterior that only frying can give you. 

I first tested it out with some chicken cutlets I had marinated in garlic, vinegar, and spices and then breaded. Usually, I fry them in olive or grapeseed oil on the stove-top and they come out crispy on the outside yet super moist on the inside. But frying is messy and not super healthy. Using the Ninja Foodi Grill air crisper function I couldn’t believe how quickly they cooked and how super crispy the final result was.

It was official: The air frying function on the Ninja Foodi Grill also worked amazingly well!

Here’s my first batch of air crisped chicken cutlets:

Air fried crispy chicken breasts made with the Ninja Foodi Grill

Tip: You cannot grill and air crisp at the same time in this unit, so you’ll have to make a cooking plan for your recipes if making a meal using both settings. 

The capability to perform a variety of different functions has been the current trend for kitchen appliances released in the last couple of years. And this is a good thing. 

Finally, companies are beginning to understand that most of us have limited counter and storage space. The Ninja Foodi Grill falls right in that category of a multi-function appliance. Not only does it grill like a total rock star, but it also roasts, bakes and dehydrates. Jerky anyone?

Here’s what came in the box (some models may come with different accessories or functions):

The Ninja Foodi Grill Unit – This is the main unit that can cook food at temperatures as high as 510 or as low as 135 for dehydrating. To turn on, press the power button on the front display and then choose a cook function (grills, air crisp, dehydrate, roast or bake). The top part of the Ninja® Foodi™ Grill, or the hood, lifts to reveal the interior where different cooking accessories can be inserted. A splatter guard on the underside protects the heating element from grease and can easily be removed to clean. The Ninja Foodi Grill can be set up on a counter, kitchen table or small kitchen cart. Just make sure you have enough clearance to open the hood.

Cooking Pot (dishwasher safe) – Shaped like a deep roasting pan this is inserted first into the Ninja Foodi Grill is used to catch drippings when grilling or air frying. You can also use this part by itself to roast or bake foods. You can even insert a cake or pie pan inside to bake up a lovely dessert.

Grill grate (dishwasher safe) – This gets inserted over the cooking pot for grilling and is part of the magic that helps the Ninja Foodi Grill superbly execute those amazing grill marks. Two handles on the side allow for easy insert and removal. I found it super easy to clean with some warm soapy dishwater and a scrub brush for sticky bits. This piece has some weight behind it.

Crisper Basket (dishwasher safe) – The crisper basket is used whenever you want to air fry dehydrate. The grill grate gets removed and the basket gets placed inside the cooking pot. Also, super easy to remove and clean.

Everything that comes in the box with the Ninja Foodi Grill including grill grate, air fry basket, skewers and recipe book

Kebab Skewers (dishwasher safe) –  What’s more yummy than some grilled kebabs? 5 skewers came packed inside the box for instant grilling fun.

Cleaning Brush (dishwasher safe) — This little cleaning brush helps to scrub and scrape crusted on bits left stuck to the grate and splatter shield after grilling. 

Ninja Foodi Grill Buying Tip: Most of us will do just fine with the base model of this grill. But if you like to have all the bells and whistles with all your kitchen gadgets then you might want to check out the upgraded model of Foodi Ninja Grill. It’s a little more money but comes with an integrated meat thermometer and an additional roasting rack.

The Major Benefits: Who Needs The Ninja Foodi Grill?

Even if you already have an outdoor grill, do you always feel like firing it up? Sometimes it can be a hassle especially if you’re only making a small quantity of food. What about when the weather isn’t ideal or you’ve run out of gas or charcoal briquettes? And the clean up can be a drag. This is where the Ninja Foodi Grill comes in. It makes perfectly grilled food without having to plan or worry about your eyebrows burning off or if there’s a storm brewing.  You can make delicious grilled dishes anytime you like, in any quantity, any time of year. It’s perfect for singles, couples and would make a great interactive cooking experience to use at your family or holiday parties.

The Ninja Foodi Grill grills meats that are fresh, marinated and even frozen. You don’t have to worry about defrosting! Every time you’ll get perfectly grilled steaks and super juicy burgers.

If you love the idea of grilling but don’t have much experience the Ninja® Foodi™ Grill comes with a recipe inspiration booklet with 20+ great recipes to get you started. The back of the book includes cooking temps and times for just about every food you would want to grill, air crisp or dehydrate. This includes grilling temperatures and times for foods that are still frozen.

They include the basics everyone loves like steak and burgers,  along with interesting twists on favorites like their air-fried Nashville Hot Chicken, personal grilled pizza, Mexican grilled corn, and grilled apple and raspberry pie.  

Ninja Foodi Tip: Need More Recipe Inspiration? The Ninja family is launching a Foodi Family Community on Facebook where users can ask questions, get advice, and share recipes. 



Vietnamese Mixed Grill Platter Made With The Ninja Foodi Grill

While this recipe may seem like a lot of ingredients, it’s very easy to make. It’s mostly stirring, marinating, and grilling. Here are the ingredients:

ingredients prepped and laid out for the Vietnamese mixed grill marinade on marble

For this Vietnamese inspired marinade ingredients like rice wine vinegar, fish sauce, hoisin sauce, oyster sauce, brown sugar, fresh ground pepper, sambal oelek chili sauce, shallots, and lemongrass are blended and then poured over the meats. If you can’t find fresh lemongrass most supermarkets carry a paste version in the produce section by the herbs. You can also omit this if you can’t find either. Chicken and shrimp should be marinated a minimum of 2 hours. For maximum flavor overnight is best while shrimp only need about 20 minutes. I threaded the shrimp on the kebab skewers for easy grilling.

Vietnamese style marinade being poured over steak chicken and beef

While the meats are marinating, prepare the Vietnamese dipping sauce. Don’t go without it. It’s absolutely addicting. And while a sauce with a base of fish sauce, garlic, chili, and lime juice might not seem appetizing, it is utterly delicious. Trust me.

Vietnamese dipping sauce recipe being whisked in a bowl next to chilis, garlic, sugar and lime

The Ninja Foodi Grill was set to MAX and preheated. I brushed the grate with grape seed oil and got grilling. Grilling all the meats took about 25 minutes in total. Here they are below:

An up close shot of the cooked and grilled Vietnamese mixed grill made with the Ninja Foodi Grill

To serve: make a platter of lettuce leaves, cucumber sticks, carrot sticks, bell pepper slices and any other veggies you enjoy. Herbs like cilantro, basil and mint are essential. Vietnamese rice paper rolls and vermicelli rice noodles can be served along with the platter of meats, veggies, and herbs to be rolled and then dipped.

This makes a great dish to make when inviting over friends and family. Begin by gently dipping rice paper on a dish of water. Don’t over soak. Place on your plate and then fill with your favorite ingredients.

Here’s how to roll the Vietnamese rice paper with the fillings:

How to roll Vietnamese spring rolls step by step


an overhead flatlay shot of a Vietnamese mixed grill with steak, chicken and shrimp served with veggies and herbs recipe


Ninja Foodi Grill Review and Recipes

Vietnamese Mixed Grill

Heather LaCorte

Vietnamese flavors infuse this marinade that is used for steak, shrimp, and chicken. The meats are then grilled on the  Ninja Foodi Grill and then served along with a delicious Vietnamese dipping sauce and veggies for rolling in rice paper wraps.

Prep Time 45 mins

Cook Time 30 mins

Marinating Time 6 hrs

Course healthy, Main Course

Cuisine Asian, Vietnamese


  • 1.5 lbs chicken breast
  • 1-2 lbs  flat iron or sirloin steak
  • 1.5  lbs extra large shrimp

Marinade Ingredients

  • 2/3 cup grapeseed oil ( or other high smoke point oil)
  • 2/3 cup rice wine vinegar
  • 4 tbsp fish sauce
  • 4 tbsp oyster sauce
  • 3 tbsp hoisin sauce
  • 3 tbsp brown sugar
  • 1 tbsp soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp lemon grass, chopped ( or 1 Tablespoon lemongrass paste found in produce section)
  • 1 tbsp Sambal Oelek or asian chili paste
  • 5 garlic cloves, chopped
  • 2 tsp black pepper

Vietnamese Dipping Sauce Ingredients (Nuoc Cham)

  • 1/4 cup fish sauce
  • 1/4 cup lime juice
  • 1/3 cup water
  • 2 tsp sugar
  • 3 cloves of garlic, mined
  • 1/2 tsp chilis, finely sliced (Thai Bird, Serrano or Jalapeno)

Suggested Accompaniments For Serving

  • Vietnamese Rice Paper, for wrapping rolls
  • lettuce leaves
  • carrot sticks
  • cucumber Sticks
  • slices bell peppers
  • Sambal Oelek Chili Sauce
  • Hoisin Sauce


Marinating The Meats

  • Pour the marinade over the steak and chicken (in separate bowls, about 1/3 cup each). Marinate in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours or overnight for best results. The shrimp only needs to be marinated for 15 to 20 minutes before grilling.

Grilling The Meats On The Ninja® Foodi™ Grill

  • Remove the meats from the refrigerator and marinade letting as much drip off as possible. Preheat the Ninja® Foodi™ Grill on high. Brush the grill grates with grape seed, avocado or canola oil and grill the chicken first (14 minutes) flipping halfway through. The steak will take 7-9 minutes. Again, flip half-way through. Finally grill the shrimp for 3 minutes. You can flip if you like. Be sure to brush the grates before adding a new meat. When the meats are finished grilling remove to a platter and cover with foil to keep warm.

Making The Vietnamese Dipping Sauce (Nuoc Cham)

To Serve

  • Sprinkle the platter of grilled meats with scallion and finely chopped peanuts. Serve along side the suggested lettuce and vegetables. Guests can dip the rice paper on a plate of warm water to moisten and then roll with meats and veggies for a delicious Vietnamese style treat. Don’t over soak the rice paper or it becomes difficult to work with. 10 seconds is enough. Once rolled, dipping sauces can include the Nuoc Cham made above, hoisin sauce and sambal oelek chili sauce. Enjoy!

dipping Vietnamese spring rolls in a sweet and spicy sauce

For more recipe inspiration before you buy click the link to DOWNLOAD the FREE Ninja Foodie Grill Cookbook (PDF)!

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Finished Bling Empire? Here’s What You Should Watch Next

Diamonds and drama.

That’s what Netflix‘s Bling Empire delivered when it was released back in January—and we couldn’t be more pleased. For those unfamiliar with the show, Bling Empire follows a wealthy group of Asian and Asian American friends in Los Angeles as they shop, fight and live their best lives.

The show, which stars Kevin Kreider, Kim Lee, Kelly Mi Li, Anna Shay, Christine Chiu, Kane Lim, Jamie Xie and Cherie Chan, has been devoured by viewers. In fact, Bling Empire even made Netflix’s top 10 list at one point.

However, having binged the Netflix hit so quickly, we were left eager for a new show to consume. While Bling Empire is wildly entertaining, it isn’t the first reality show to take the world by storm.

For starters, there is Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the long-running E! docu-series that follows the lives of the Kardashian-Jenners.

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Here’s the Breakdown on the 80 Cases Related to the 2020 Presidential Election

The media in the United States is no longer interested in the truth.  They are corrupted beyond belief.  They used to be biased, now they are clearly dishonest. 

Over and over we heard how President Trump didn’t win a single case in the 2020 Presidential election related to fraud in the election.  The media called this proof that there was no fraud.  Far left Buzz Feed reported in December:

President Donald Trump had another brutal weekend in court, with the US Supreme Court and other judges across the country rejecting his latest efforts to overturn his loss to President-elect Joe Biden.

Trump and his allies have lost 59 times in court since Nov. 3, according to a running tally on Twitter from Marc Elias, the lawyer leading Democrats’ fight against the GOP’s post-election challenges. The Supreme Court’s one-paragraph rejection of Trump and Texas’ bid to invalidate more than 20 million votes on Friday night was just one of a string of fresh losses that the president has faced over the past 72 hours alone.

TRENDING: We Got It! TGP to Release SMOKING GUN Video from TCF Center in Detroit! …Update: OH BOY! Our Report WILL SHAKE the Political World!

Problem number one was it was Buzzfeed, problem number two was Buzzfeed relied on Marc Elias for their information.  Apparently, Elias has a unique way of counting cases.

When looking at the number of cases related to the 2020 Presidential election that were decided on merits, there were only 21 cases decided so far.  Of these cases, President Trump won 14.  The President won 14 of 21 cases decided on merits which is two-thirds of the cases.

What the media doesn’t tell you and omits from their reporting is their greatest lie.

According to a list of all 2020 election cases related to President Trump found at the following link here:

The report as of February 4th, 2021 shows:

  • There are 80 court cases to date based on the 2020 election
  • In 28 cases President Trump was/is the plaintiff
  • In 48 cases President Trump was/is not the plaintiff
  • In 4 cases President Trump is the defendant
  • 21 of these cases have been decided on merits
  • Of the 21 cases decided on the merits, President Trump won 14 of them or two-thirds of the cases
  • 25 cases remain active

It is horrible that the courts have not made the cases related to the 2020 election a priority.  The courts procrastination in addressing these important cases timely were abhorrent.

There are still 25 cases to be decided related to the 2020 election.

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Finished Bridgerton? Here’s What You Should Watch Next

It’s been over two weeks since Bridgerton dropped on Netflix and it’s still all that anyone can talk about.

Between the incredible orchestral versions of your favorite pop songs and those steamy sex scenes, it’s safe to say that the Netflix period drama has taken the world by storm. No, literally, the show has been projected to reach 63 million households within 28 days of its debut.

We were among those households who devoured the series and we’re here to tell you that we’ll never listen to Taylor Swift‘s “Wildest Dreams” the same. (If you know, you know.)

However, having binged the series so quickly, we were left itching for a new show that would inspire us the way Bridgerton has.

While Bridgerton is definitely captivating and brilliantly done, it isn’t the first period drama to capture the world’s attention.

For starters, there is Downton Abbey, the upstairs-downstairs drama that won the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Miniseries and the Golden Globe Award for Best Miniseries. Hey, before there was a Lady Danbury (Adjoa Andoh) there was Violet, the Dowager Countess (Dame Maggie Smith).

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Ready to Make Amends? Here’s How to Do It Gracefully

Ready to Make Amends? Here’s How to Do It Gracefully

Ready to Make Amends? Here’s How to Do It Gracefully

Ready to Make Amends?
Here’s How to Do It Gracefully

You flip your phone open and your finger hovers over their number. You want to reach out and see how this person is doing, but maybe some time has passed and you don’t know if it feels appropriate. Or maybe the last time you spoke, it didn’t end so well. Maybe it’s an ex and you genuinely want to wish them well. Or perhaps it’s a former colleague and you left a toxic workplace behind. But maybe, you think, some things are better left unsaid.

Not so, says psychologist Jenny Taitz. When a relationship becomes strained or ends, we naturally want to seek out answers or an explanation, but it’s easy to get caught up in endless rumination—the type of spiral that ultimately leads to inaction, says Taitz. She teaches patients strategic ways to think through difficult conversations and how to approach them with care using tools from dialectical behavior therapy, which she shares here. “No matter how hard the conversation is, it can go so much better than you think if you approach it with the right tone and content,” Taitz says. If you’re thinking about reconnecting with someone from your past or you’re avoiding an overdue conversation, Taitz’s process is rooted in self-compassion and self-respect. As she explains: “A lot of times, it just feels good to say what you need.”

A Q&A with Jenny Taitz, PsyD

What’s the first thing to consider if you’re thinking about reaching out to someone from your past?

First, it’s important to keep in mind that every relationship will have its conflicts; it’s inevitable with any long-term bond. Ideally, being able to address a rift in a productive way can make you—and your relationships—stronger.

That’s why, as a general rule, I encourage people to live an approach lifestyle: a life where you face what matters to you rather than avoiding it. But there’s a caveat that applies when it comes to reengaging with a difficult person from your past, whether they’re an estranged family member or an ex: Do it only if you believe that it will ultimately prove healing.

The best way to figure that out is to reflect on your long-term goals and the facts at hand. Are you looking to have this person be a source of emotional support? Are you just hoping to get some emotions off your chest? Is it realistic to think that will happen? Think about whether doing any of the above will make you feel better; if you’re not sure, try making a list of the pros and cons of reaching out versus not.

One thing that’s important to do, whatever the circumstances, is to take your own emotional temperature. If you’re feeling especially lonely or struggling with intense negative emotions, as many of us are right now during the pandemic, know that you’re more at risk of acting impulsively than you might otherwise be. I’ve never had a client who has regretted waiting to send an angry email or holding off on initiating a conversation with a long-lost lover via text at 1 a.m.

Is there ever a time when the past should stay in the past?

That depends. If you’ve repeatedly tried to talk to someone and they’ve continued to dismiss you, you have two choices:

1. You can reconsider the way you’re approaching the person to see if you are able to get a more satisfying result. If you’ve tried reaching out before, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying again, especially if you change your strategy.

2. You can decide that it’s time to radically accept the breach, that it has more to do with them than with you and your worth, and that it’s healthy to maintain some emotional distance. It might also help to ask yourself what you want your life to be like and whom you want in it. If you know for sure the person is incapable of offering you what you need, then it may make sense to walk away for self-compassion’s sake.

How would you approach this conversation?

If you decide that it’s wise to speak up, set yourself up for a better conversation by thoughtfully rehearsing an empowering way to give voice to your needs. I like a technique known as DEAR MAN, which comes from dialectical behavior therapy, an approach that teaches practical skills in managing emotions and being effective in relationships. The strategy can help you focus on presenting the facts and your hopes alongside a mutual benefit—all of which can be helpful when you’re aiming to get your needs met.

How it works: DEAR stands for describe the facts, express how you feel, ask for what you want, and reward or reflect on what’s in it for the other person. The MAN part is more about how to deliver your message: (be) mindful, act confident, and negotiate as needed. In other words, focus on your intention, remind yourself of your own worthiness, but strive to be flexible.

DEAR MAN helps us escape some of the usual detours that get in the way of accomplishing our goals. When you start off with too much anger, even if it’s justified, the other person will naturally become defensive. Instead, describe the facts in a straightforward way, then express your feelings. So rather than saying, “You’re selfish” or “You were manipulative,” just describe exactly what happened. For example, “When I told you about my depression and you didn’t follow up, I felt hurt.” By letting yourself be a little vulnerable, you’re giving the other person an opportunity to empathize. Then you can ask for what you’d like to happen—“I’d really appreciate if when I’m struggling, you don’t run but reach out”—since no one can read your mind, as frustrating as that may feel. Given that all relationships are two-way streets, also reflect on what you can offer. You might say, “I promise I won’t go on and on. I care about you and your feelings and want to hear about them and be there for you.”

While making your request, also consider your intensity, by rating it from one (for being silent) to ten (for screaming). Then slow down and adjust your tone, if needed. This isn’t so much about catering to another person as about your feeling emotionally regulated and setting yourself up to be truly heard.



  • Describe the facts

  • Express how you feel

  • Assert or ask for what you want

  • Reinforce or reward


  • Mindful

  • Act confident

  • Negotiate, if needed

How do you check in with yourself in that moment?

To keep your composure, try something called coping ahead. If you feel anxious about something, rather than worrying about it, imagine the situation realistically, knowing what you’re likely to face, then visualize yourself succeeding. Doing these mental rehearsals beforehand triggers the same brain areas that are activated when you’re actually in the situation and increases your competence and chances of success in the moment.

Of course, sometimes things take an unexpected or upsetting turn—one we can’t predict. In that case, take a moment to recalibrate, feel your feet on the floor, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of your ultimate objective. If you’re feeling too intensely, it’s okay to ask to take a break until you feel more clearheaded.

What if you don’t get what you’re hoping for out of the conversation? How do you deal with your own guilt or shame?

A lot of people put too much value on the idea of closure, assuming that a perfect ending with someone will erase pain or suddenly help everything make sense. But it may make more sense to work on radical acceptance—actively accepting the outcome, moment to moment—rather than fighting reality by overanalyzing. Ultimately, you have to be open to what is, even if it’s painful.


How do you take care of yourself after the conversation?

Sometimes you have to let yourself off the hook rather than stewing indefinitely. The term “elephant in the room” is a misnomer—too often the elephant is on your shoulders if you’re carrying resentment or overthinking something that occurred in the past. It helps to have a game plan for self-soothing after anything you anticipate will feel painful. Try scheduling some pleasurable, distracting activities, whether it’s joining an Instagram Live workout class or listening to a crime podcast or doing something relaxing like engaging in a gentle skin-care ritual. Call a friend who you know will nourish and nurture you (though skip a long play-by-play if that’s only going to make you reexperience your pain). Whatever the outcome, beating yourself up and wishing all were different will not be helpful in the long run.

Jennifer Taitz is an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and the author of How to be Single and Happy: Science-Based Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity While Looking for a Soul Mate and End Emotional Eating. She offers her clients at LA CBT DBT, her private practice in Beverly Hills, practical tools to live better.

We hope you enjoy the books recommended here. Our goal is to suggest only things we love and think you might, as well. We also like transparency, so, full disclosure: We may collect a share of sales or other compensation if you purchase through the external links on this page.

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